Posted on by catherinelucyrowland

You Are A Hangover That Never Leaves

You are a hangover that never leaves

A throbbing pain inside of me

I wake to its presence unceasingly,

The sorrow just never seems to end.

I long for these wounds to heal

But you are preventing them to mend

 

And yet, I sense that you have not a care.

In your disappointment with me

You denied everything that was there.

 

But let me plead with you and ask you,

How were we to carry on?

When you have no understanding of

The things you did wrong?

 

And so I shouldered your blame

Like it was mine to bear,

Until I realised I had no fault

But it was you who was unaware…

 

Now I have so little to say

Because the pain is just too much;

When everybody is asking

The same questions,

Oh how easily I get fed up!

 

Each to their own matter and each

Will claim theirs is more important

How eagerly we spill out our words

As if we wished to be rewarded!

 

To the least of this I plead

A guilty charge

I fought my battle to the bitter end

But it was the end that caught me

Off guard

 

Now I have poured out all I have to give

I wonder what energy is there

Or motivation to live?

Posted on by catherinelucyrowland

Worthy Of Love

To have the person I love and care for the most

Not even comprehend as much

Hurts more than you’ll ever really know

 

Whilst I think of them dearly,

I bemoan that it is only my mind that hears me

And not the person I have come to cherish

 

And so I am sad all along and left wondering

Whether I am wrong to waste my time this way

For although their love is worth it,

Perhaps it is not I that deserves it,

But some other who is more fortunate in this life.

 

But I cannot accept it whole-heartedly,

There is always a part of me that will never willing let go.

 

This is the part of me that will hold onto you hardest,

Showing that for you my love is at its vastest

Than it can ever, ever be.

Posted on by catherinelucyrowland

Worse Spells Out Woe

I suffer ineffably for you

For what you claimed

You have put me through

But how canst thou know it?

For what was assumed to

Have been the worst,

Only became worse still;

Now I am falling deeper

Into this pit of ill will

My woe still monsters itself thus;

What have I but demons of fear and mistrust?

It shines its snarling face at me and withers away thenceforth;

Now of my greater worries are the Devil and his cast iron pitchfork.

Blacker still from all this

Suffering and strife,

I grit my teeth relentlessly,

Vowing to hold onto my life

To hold onto all the better

Memories we shared,

Reminding me that

Through all this turmoil

There is an angel who will have me spared.

Posted on by catherinelucyrowland

Worldly Love


World-weariness causing

My heart to wear away

Pretending I’m not hurt

By the things that you say

Seeking to protect myself

At all costs, but considering

A world without you,

I’d count it a loss

The motivation is gone

When you are not there

Before I was predictable,

reliable…

But now I struggle to

Find a reason to care.

Looking into your eyes

Is where I find some sense within

You’re breaking down

These walls that are paper-thin

Hands that reach in to touch my heart;

Be careful or you’ll light a spark that will

Always remain ablaze

Rather, speak to me and nurture me

Gently with your loving caress

That takes the pain away

Love me, don’t use me,

Or else I will find somewhere

Else to stay.

Posted on by catherinelucyrowland

Without Your Touch

Without your touch I feel restless.

The night draws in and numbs the senses

 

as I watch your slumberous body

breathing not a sigh

and I lie awake

trying to pass the time.

 

How did it come to sleeping

on separate sides of the bed?

 

All I want to do is kiss you

and taste the passion

when all we do is lie here

in a disciplined fashion

 

But the desires just will not be relieved;

you may sleep in peace and contentment,

but all the while they torture me.

 

I cannot thrust them upon you

although I may try.

But feeling so far away from you

only makes  me cry.

 

And so I make myself the lonely guest;

with neither sleep nor company

I kid myself into thinking

I know what’s best.

Posted on by catherinelucyrowland

Who Would Have Thought?

Who would have thought this

Was going to get worse?

And yet I suffer silently

In my dreaming

 

Your bittersweet presence

Appears before me as clear as day

I ask you what went wrong and

Why you had nothing to say

 

Even fighting through my tears

I beg for reconciliation

And then your loving touch

Floats over me;

That warm appreciation.

 

I cuddle you back, even more

Readily than before

This distance that has crept

Between us makes me

Love you all the more.

 

And yet I know that you being

Here is nothing but a vision…

I wake to the morning light

Feeling that something

Is missing.

 

This loss of you has left me

Traumatised; nothing more

Nothing less.

Even to the extent where

The motivation to live has

Left me and the desire to dream

Is best.

 

I long to crawl back into this

Sphere of subconsciousness,

Return to the womb.

I’m not ready for this

Heartbreak; it is all happening too soon.

Posted on by catherinelucyrowland

Victim Of A Love Theft

How could you think

I’d not take this to heart?

If you could see me now

You’d see I’m falling apart

 

And yet the wind still blows

Over the heart where

You made your home;

But now it’s time for you

To pack up your things and go

 

For too long I have resided

In this hopeless fear

Of losing the love

I have always wanted near

 

But it seems that she

Lost herself first and left;

Without even knowing

Our love became a victim of theft

 

To what cause or power

I cannot conceive;

My mind always struggles,

But in my heart I have always believed

 

That love will always overcome

The battle that we enter

When we find the right one

Posted on by catherinelucyrowland

Uncovering Truth

I took something out

From inside of me,

Displayed it there

For all to see:

 

A reinvention of myself

In an unrecognisable form;

A re-evaluation of the

Perceived social norm

 

It became a construct

Of my own imagination,

As I fell in love

And discovered what lay

Underneath its foundation:

 

Purpose, identity, life and truth;

Until I dug further and uncovered myself at the root.

 

I sought to look no further but

Understand that the change had been disguised;

Now I am its embodiment, revealed before naked eyes.

 

My lover was my muse, my soul’s purpose

And reason to live:

She gave me an understanding

Of the love that I could give

 

And so I went forth,

Changed by knowledge and truth,

Believing that this incredible discovery

Has not been of vain self-pursuit.

Posted on by catherinelucyrowland

Touching You

Touching you is like sunshine and smiles

It gives me bliss even if just for a while

I feel like I’m falling and will never recover

Straight into the arms of an oblivious lover

 

My eyes are closed but I can still see

The ruby brown eyes staring back at me

Questioning all motives, asking to be free

 

You look for the answers but they are hidden within

Underneath the pearly shine of your youthful skin

Don’t deny yourself of Knowledge standing at your door

She stands there knocking, urging you to seek more

 

Whilst I lay trying to sleep in your bed

Second-guessing all the things running through your head

I cannot unlock your heart if you give me no part to play

Love goes unrequited if there is no invitation to stay

 

 

Posted on by catherinelucyrowland

Too Involved With You

I am too involved with you to let you go

Life is too short to ignore the people that matter

In an instant the flame can be extinguished,

Leaving absence where there was once substance.

 

In the same way I cannot pretend to have

No knowledge of you;

It would be careless and cruel,

Making it seem as if I want nothing from you

When I do want something…

 

For you have made the greatest

Impression upon me that can never ever leave

It keeps me awake at night holding me back from sleep

 

Your presence returns to me

Like a sweet perfume wafting through the air

I start to remember your every move, word and stare.

 

So you leaving me is impossible,

Although reality begs to differ

We are bonded and thus you carry me thither

Carry me to that safe place far from home

Carry me there for I no longer want to be alone.