Love paints a smile across my face
Creating new memories
From the ones I had erased
For what use is there
In holding onto the old
When Happiness starts to emerge
Allowing new dreams to unfold?
Whilst under this weight
I have been lifting
Time’s dark shadow
Has been drifting
Over the covers
Of my beating heart,
Longing to pull
Love’s strings apart
But this I know,
There has come a new hope
To shatter apart that darkness
As soon as I let go
And with the end of the year
Comes pain and suffering
As if my body has had
Enough of me and
I begin to think I am
Losing my mind
(Which perhaps I am)
I lie in bed curled up:
Exhausted, embryonic
Sleep embraces me
Almost instantaneously
Like a mother to a lost child
And whilst I am in her presence,
Troubled dreams greet me and
I find myself first sighing and then crying
Forgotten memories of family faces
Come rushing back like old shadows
From my childhood; mysterious and haunting
And all of a sudden,
Waves of happiness and sadness
Wash over me, leaving me
As an emotional wreckage
On the shore of subconciousness
I am as I was before, returned
To a state of complete
Innocence and purity,
Through the confines of
This solitude
And this time
I will stay away
Hide and pretend
I have nothing to say
Whilst I confide
The truth inside a lie;
There’s nothing worse
Than love waiting to die.
That very raw feeling of helplessness,
It woke me to the brutal reality
I was always afraid of
Suddenly I was dragged into it
A moment’s lapse until all hell breaks loose
And you’re screaming for the vehicle
To stop propelling itself forward,
Whilst your father sits in the driver’s seat
Unconscious and stealthily moving into
An uncertain end
Black smoke comes pouring out of the rear,
Sinister and choking me
In the clouds that come unfurling
Something is very unnerving
When you are told that
The keys are no longer in the ignition…
Perhaps it was not my father driving,
But then who was it and what was their mission?
And now it seems that the wind blows
All the more cold now that you’re gone
Oh what I would give just
To see your smiling face again,
But the opportunity has been denied us…
No goodbyes can be said
Since no more words can be exchanged,
I will think only of what remains
And why I had to be left alone
Dear friends,
I want to thank you personally for visiting my new website, ‘LoveseekingRiddle’. It is here that you will find the realisation of many different pieces of poetry that have been written over the past year, and indeed, in the many years preceding it.
Writing has always been my best and most preferred form of self-expression, alongside my other passion: creating music. Please understand that in establishing this blog, I am not doing so out of self-gratification or vanity, but in the belief that someone might read from what I have written and feel that they are a little less alone in their struggles.
My decision is to bare all and lay my cards upon the table, by publishing some of my most personal anecdotes to date, which have been written in the form of poetry. Feel free to read as little or as much as you would like… I hope you find that there is something you can take away from it.
With love,
Catherine.
Catherine Lucy Rowland 