Posted on by catherinelucyrowland

Loveless

I have become so loveless since you left me

I gaze at the heart I poured out so lovingly

And now is empty.

It is the visage of who I am;

Vices I sought to fix it and yet nothing can

 

And yet I am the one who must suffer

The consequence, whilst you watch me

Torturing, staring from your fence

 

Silence is not an answer, but you will not speak

I gave you everything and more, but Trust was

A door you just would not let me through.

 

And now my dreams flood in hauntingly,

Reminding me of how you changed me

And how I made you so worthy;

More worthy than you ever deserved to be

 

Still I walk these streets believing

I will see your face again.

Until I damn this wishful thinking

And realise it is only a trick of the mind.

 

When in fact, I am lonelier than before:

Had I not met you, I would never have

Put everything on the line; surrendering

My logic and dignity all to make you mine

 

Perhaps then I would not have lost

My innocence, but now you are gone

And I’m struggling to overcome this.

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A Truth On Which I Can Depend

I can see blood spattered

From the lives that have shattered

Against the cold walls of this Earth

Where mankind lies waiting

For a new birth

 

In the midst of this darkness

A storm is brewing

Amongst the old feelings

Of my ruin

 

See there lays my broken spirit ready for renewing…!

 

As I gaze out at the world before me

I gather a sense of what it is to be free

Then casting my glance over

Beauty anchored

I try to decipher what she means

 

Not as cold as the rest of humanity below

She transcends my consciousness

And makes me glow

 

Like nothing I’ve ever known before,

Or anything I’ll see again

She drowned me in a whirlpool of love

With a truth on which I can depend.

 

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How Did This Space Become So Neatly Occupied?

How did this space become so neatly occupied?

I stretch out a hand to caress the sleeping beauty

That lies in a star-crossed lover’s embrace;

 

(She hides her confession in the mistakes

That she makes)

 

Whilst I lead her to a place on the far

Outskirts of the shore,

Where the waves of love start lapping

And she kisses me abundantly more

 

What did I do to feel the warmth and security

Of the one who has always loved me?

In believing it had been denied,

I only caused myself to hide

 

Away, away from the truth that longed

To be divulged at all costs,

And yet I cowered in my insecurity

Afraid that it would all come to a loss

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How Did It Come To Pass?

How did it come to pass that you were to love

The biggest outcast society has?

 

My conscience is overthrown

When I look into your eyes

I find the love I have always known

 

And yet I am defeated still

 

Everything has value for some time or another

But how do you measure it in the eyes of a yearning lover?

 

For in your sight I am transformed

You took my unworthiness

And from the dust and ashes

I have been reborn

 

But somehow Doubt creeps in

Like smoke over flames

To teach humanity that we

Are just meagre and frail

 

In questioning what we know is certain

We break down its barriers and rip apart Truth’s curtain

 

Why can’t we be just as happy as we seem?

Instead we seek to jeopardise all that this love will ever mean

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Her Soul Is Gone

Her soul is gone from that house…

She no longer resides there

And so I must forget it and be quick to move on,

Or else leave sad traces lingering of what was left there

 

Her presence has now deserted it,

But I will still hold onto the memories

Of what we shared there

 

Facing up to absence is painful,

But realising that her presence was there

And yet still lives gives me the hope

I need to carry on.

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Finality

And so it has all ended

The page is waiting to be turned,

New experiences are yet to be learned

The leaf still waits to be overturned to

Its other side, its better side…

 

Yet I am still in the process of fixing

Together the fragments of my life

But the pieces are such complex shapes

And their edges cut like knives

 

If only I could see the journey of my life

From beginning to end;

Perhaps then my wounds would have

Hope to mend

 

Yet whether my future is bright and hopeful

Is something only some might say

For all we know, the path could be

Treacherous, leading me to decay

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Drop All Your Baggage

Drop all your baggage;

leave it at the door.

Run to the well of life,

asking if there’s more.

Listen to the old wife’s voice

until it starts to grate;

“Never sleep on your anger,

or else it will be too late”

Take heed of her cry

as it slowly drifts on the wind

Never forget those wise words:

In your anger do not sin.

For when you lose the ability to sleep

due to anger,

all you’re left with is an untimely

cliff hanger.

Why do I retreat so stubbornly,

withdrawing myself from you?

What made me so abrasive, so shallow and rude?

No matter how many times I say I’m sorry,

the answer remains the same:

I still need your love, assurance and forgiveness

to prove that I can change.

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Dispensable Love

It only takes a moment to stop

And realise what is going on

Suddenly my mind catches up

With me and I realise the

Person I’ve become

 

I am overwhelmed in thinking

I have done everything wrong

What I thought was important

Has been folly all along

 

Including you whom I’ve

Thought about too much

You suck me in like

A leech to blood

I lose all sense of reality

And feel like giving up

 

All my efforts have boiled down

To nothing…

What is it but worthlessness

At the end of the day?

 

I give everything to make

You happy and yet you have

Nothing to say

 

Therefore I must anaesthetize

The love that has been the root

Of all my ecstasy and pain

Like a broken record once loved

I will throw you away.

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Coming Back

Coming back to London

just doesn’t feel the same

and still this familiar skyline

is haunted with rain

 

And yet I have a head full of memories

from the times spent with my lover;

though she may be absent,

I know I need not another.

 

My heart still beats with

the same conviction as before;

I will carry on triumphantly,

loving you even more.

 

For when you are not there

it is if my soul has been stripped bare

and the sun has stopped shining

in its empty sky.

 

Now I am just a poor lover

robbed of my throne,

whilst the question ‘Why?’

still hums out in drones.

 

Everything is colourless;

even the bird has stopped chiming its song!

Yet another reminder

that this distance is wrong.

 

So let us cut it down at the root,

crushing its sour presence underfoot.

 

No matter where we might be,

we wll overcome this distance;

just you and me.

Posted on by catherinelucyrowland

Broken Lover’s Lair

The pieces that once

Seemed immovable

Have shifted;

Now the root of

My heartache

Has been lifted

 

Up, up and away

Out of all misery and despair

Up, up and away

From this broken lover’s lair

 

Until all of it appeared

As worthless matter…

What are they but bits

Of paper portraying

An old life to scatter?

 

Nothing but remnants

Of a life I chose to follow

Nothing but a love

That has now become so hollow

 

Oh wretched ring

That promised a life of love

In all its abundance and trust

You are meaningless treasure

That has turned to rust

 

What choice did I have

But to discard the jewel

In all its rotting decay?

 

Or was I to look down

Upon it affectionately

On my marriage finger

Where it lay…?

 

Such a thought  can only

Fill me with disdain;

Yes, go ahead and entreat

Suffering… see how it causes you pain!

 

And so my only solution left me

No reason to falter:

Remove all ties and connections

With the love

That found reason to alter

 

October 2011