How can we say goodbye
When you still hold
In your hand my heart
The distance does not lie:
We’ve been drifting apart
Yet even as I sleep
Your face in my mind
Hangs like a frame on a wall
Four corners of fiction
That encapsulate my soul
For no longer can we exist
Within margins so fragile
The timing was off and now
This love has become sterile
So look above and find
The writing engraved on the wall:
“A love that is sterile is not one
For which to fall”
Do not be deceived!
You are your best company;
On a winding road
That will carry you home
The only heartbeat you need is your own
Or upon a rolling hill
Inclining towards uncertainty
The most exciting adventures
Are solitary still;
There need be no other
To entertain your thrill
No woman whose love
You fought so hard to attain
No figure of authority
To nurse you through your pain
Only the blinding rain
That pours relentlessly
Through broken clouds
As you wait for Time
To uncover its veil
And kiss your broken vows
Nature awakens
Whilst the world is sleeping
The birds sing the songs
Of the stories
They have been keeping
Restoring humanity
To its rightful pattern
With hopeful melodies
Of a love waiting to happen
Looking down upon
The botched up plans
Crafted in fact
By my own youthful hands
Now lying in the stagnant waters
Of a well of forgotten dreams
Remembering that
Not everything is how it seems;
The love we rested upon
Is not as strong as it used to be
But a scattered reflection
In which I sought
The security and protection
That is no longer there
Only a vacant and hollow stare
Gazing back at me
From the well of forgotten dreams.
Let us marry these thoughts to the dust
Allowing all that is impertinent
To turn to rust
Imparting our love in youthful hands
That shook,
We read each other’s minds
Like words from a book
Turning, ever turning
To catch the expression written on your face
Whilst your eyes burn in desire
And you lead me to that place where
Hope becomes the mirror
In which I gaze upon you my lover
And the world goes quiet
For we need only each other
Here was the tide
Chasing us to sleep
Underneath the moonlight
Where we shared
Each other’s dreams
Covered by a blanket of stars to keep us warm
Not forgetting the bottle of wine
To keep us from feeling forlorn
Whilst rolling in the sand
The grains collected in our hair and in our ears
As we shook off the tumultuous tremor
Caused by future fears
And lay in the carefree splendour
Of a slightly drunken haze
Deciding that this is the kind of life
In which we will spend
The rest of our days.
Yours was the name
That so oft hung upon my lips;
Yours so beautiful and seductive
That I still long to kiss
On my tongue still rolls
That sweet dreamy taste
Of days filled with a kind of loving
That knew not the word ‘haste’
Instead it glided smoothly
Betwixt us; I unbeknownst
That such heavenly rapture
Could on Earth have existence
And yet with its so swift departure
I am forced to start anew;
Eradicating ecstasy
And the only love I found to be true
To become the very shadow, the very dream
Of sublime femininity that I crave;
A hopeless longing
For the soft female touch that
Will surely go with me to the grave
Living inside your reality withers me away
Whilst the lost words I sought to profess
Lie wrapped in a decaying shroud of death.
How I have longed to write the words
To win myself back into your heart
But what use is there,
When the lover has been written no part?
Everything is but a false sense of security
Into which we are deluded entirely;
A sedative of apathy force-fed to us blindly
Meanwhile Beauty waits for me
To rescue her away from the hapless reality
With which she abides;
My choice is left to no other:
Fight against it or else she dies
Even to the extent of causing myself abundant sorrow and loss;
The grief of tomorrow is the price that it will cost…
The cards to play are in my hand
This hourglass is filling up
With each grain of sand
Each one a little more pertinent
Than before
Adding to the tragedy
Of this untimely flaw
Where is the rapturous love
With whom I passed
Many blissful days?
Did her love weaken
And with the grains of sand
Wash away?
For what has been lost
May never be absolved
And yet Love’s sweet residue
Remains hidden within the folds
Never to be touched
By the hands of another,
Else she lies resplendent with deceit
And I, her destitute lover.
Unbind me
From the wrath of Grief
That withers away
My countenance;
It robs me of the joys of life
As would a thief
Tear out
The silence of inexplicable woe
That feeds this solitude;
It agonises my body and soul
More than you’ll ever know
Dark, miserable monstrosities
That threaten to overwhelm me
Might be banished
From my being tonight
Had I but found an affection
Half as sweet
As my one gentle love
That I was to meet
And love for the rest of my life
Catherine Lucy Rowland 