Looking down upon
The botched up plans
Crafted in fact
By my own youthful hands
Now lying in the stagnant waters
Of a well of forgotten dreams
Remembering that
Not everything is how it seems;
The love we rested upon
Is not as strong as it used to be
But a scattered reflection
In which I sought
The security and protection
That is no longer there
Only a vacant and hollow stare
Gazing back at me
From the well of forgotten dreams.
When lovers are lost
What battle is won?
Nay, there is none.
For what are we
But mourners searching
For the love that was begun?
Between the soft sheets
Where we lay in amorous embrace
Admiring the jigsaw symmetry
Made by our bodies’ shapes
As our souls sang and danced
In perfect unison
We bathed in the comforting truth
That no love as great as this
Could be outdone
Until the words
“too good to be true”
Started ringing ominously loud
And started to smother our love
In its pre-burial shroud
Before there had ever been
A proposal to marry
Fate found a reason
That such treasured dreams
Should be tarried
And so now all that remains
Are ghosts whispering
Those old words in my head
Constantly taunting me
That the only love
I live to regain is dead.
Threads of sincerity entwined with curiosity
Leading me down a haunted road
Pointing in the direction of your heart
Where I have decided to make my home
Please don’t think me crude
For I have not taken your tenderness for granted
Yet the cause for cessation is too late
As the seeds of love have already been planted…
Into my veins whilst I lay softly asleep;
Was it Cupid’s arrow that pierced me
Or a love bug’s venomous bite
From which I will reap?
Whatever it may be is
Swimming beneath the surface of my skin
Awakening my mind to the sensations
That lay subdued therein
Waiting, ever waiting
For the sweetness that causes
Love again to be revived
The sweetness without which
I do not think I could survive
The cards to play are in my hand
This hourglass is filling up
With each grain of sand
Each one a little more pertinent
Than before
Adding to the tragedy
Of this untimely flaw
Where is the rapturous love
With whom I passed
Many blissful days?
Did her love weaken
And with the grains of sand
Wash away?
For what has been lost
May never be absolved
And yet Love’s sweet residue
Remains hidden within the folds
Never to be touched
By the hands of another,
Else she lies resplendent with deceit
And I, her destitute lover.
What prevails except
The silence within?
You speak no words
And so my thoughts
Are reflected in
And yet I have made my heart
A wealthy storehouse of love
To show you that for me
Your happiness is enough
But instead tis trapped
In this enslavement of solitude
In which several worlds collide;
Several parts of my being
From which I cannot hide
Such as the subdued anger
Of my repudiated self
Which awaits rejuvenating,
To be restored to natural health.
Unbind me
From the wrath of Grief
That withers away
My countenance;
It robs me of the joys of life
As would a thief
Tear out
The silence of inexplicable woe
That feeds this solitude;
It agonises my body and soul
More than you’ll ever know
Dark, miserable monstrosities
That threaten to overwhelm me
Might be banished
From my being tonight
Had I but found an affection
Half as sweet
As my one gentle love
That I was to meet
And love for the rest of my life
Floating through this life
That sometimes seems
Endlessly surreal
Trying to chase
The wasted dreams
I can no longer feel.
For once I must beckon myself
Back into the world
From which I came
And not slip into the clutches
Of Lust’s twisted game.
But Time keeps passing by
Like a stranger in the street
With curiosity I listen closely
Following the sounds of its feet
Until suddenly it disappears
And I’m left meandering
Alone
Wondering, forever wondering
If my love will ever come back home.
Oh how I long for those days
Where we are but momentarily united!
I’d no longer gaze down despairingly
At our separation and fight it
Or wonder at how
My connection to you vanished
Not much later than it started
Without even a word
From our once adoring spectators
Who then departed
Oh yes, I’d seize the moment
With all my might,
Eradicating any existence
Of so wretched a respite
And turn to you
With so loving a gaze as before
And cry beseechingly:
“Don’t you understand…?
It is your love I implore!”
But the lady doth pity win;
Turning my love for her into anger
Would be turning myself to sin
And so I must carry
My heavy heart
Such as raw flesh on a plate
Believing in the cause
Of a love revival
That I hope won’t arrive
Too late.
Carried on the winds of virtue
My heart breathes hardly a sigh,
Whilst I ride out this loveless mystery
Hardly knowing why
The rains of this wild tempest
Have just begun
As I try to unravel desperately
The tragedy that was spun
Across the strings of my heart
Where you reigned
Across the strings of my heart
Where courage feigned
I know not why
This fate was ever sealed
Or how it broke the heart
I thought had healed
But in the end they say
Are better things to come;
Renewal and growth
Promised by Love’s oath
To those that surpassed the weakness of some
You are a hangover that never leaves
A throbbing pain inside of me
I wake to its presence unceasingly,
The sorrow just never seems to end.
I long for these wounds to heal
But you are preventing them to mend
And yet, I sense that you have not a care.
In your disappointment with me
You denied everything that was there.
But let me plead with you and ask you,
How were we to carry on?
When you have no understanding of
The things you did wrong?
And so I shouldered your blame
Like it was mine to bear,
Until I realised I had no fault
But it was you who was unaware…
Now I have so little to say
Because the pain is just too much;
When everybody is asking
The same questions,
Oh how easily I get fed up!
Each to their own matter and each
Will claim theirs is more important
How eagerly we spill out our words
As if we wished to be rewarded!
To the least of this I plead
A guilty charge
I fought my battle to the bitter end
But it was the end that caught me
Off guard
Now I have poured out all I have to give
I wonder what energy is there
Or motivation to live?
Catherine Lucy Rowland 