Does my jumper
Say that I’ve given up on life?
Do you still dream
Of being somebody else’s wife?
As I try to figure out
What to wear to Church on Sundays
Lest of all, my heart on my sleeve;
Oh those fabricated sentimental tendencies!
That whistle and wane
In the distance
Like chapel bells
Calling, calling…
Calling out your name,
Come out from your hide!
The cave door rolls open;
I am resurrected. I am alive.
It took a vow of silence
To mend our crooked ways
And still I insist:
I am the tree
That cannot be swayed.
As you stood;
Your camera lens
In childlike poise
Refusing to believe
I am not one of your toys.
Yet still you peer in
Using your circular frame
Whilst I gaze back vacantly
Wondering why
You haven’t
Forgotten my name
As you did
With such charming alacrity
To The Things We Left Behind
The things no matter
How hard I try to forget
Always stay imprinted on my mind
…Certainly unwanted this time
Like an uninvited guest
Whilst I wait to find out
If this silence will stand the test.
I stand
Looking from the outside in
“Do not be a part of the world”
They said it’s full of sin
Little do they know
I am
The planet orbiting their star
And every degree travelled
Brings me to where you are
But the problem is not me,
The problem is you.
Through each motion
There casts a clearer point of view:
To see quite perfectly
Where lies dust
From where lies dirt;
That from whence came meaning
Is not of death
But of birth
So that in all things
I will not give up the fight,
Until you can convince me
That what I’m orbiting is light
Why so savage
A beauty as this
Cast within concrete
Frames?
Harsh grey walls
Object and conceal
The soft poetic soul
The dimmer light reveals
As she slips
Into silence once again;
A scream that is louder
Than the tones
Of angry men
Who by their power
Ordained clothe her
In dark matter too heavy
For Innocence to feign
So that she tries
To hide under its weight
Until no one can see
The savage beauty
That is only beautiful
To you and me
Nothing can hold me back
From this life
Even when times are tough
I’ll carry on despite
With no respite
Thinking of you in mind
And wondering
Is it worth my time
When you said:
“Don’t stop believing… ever”
As you made the cord
Between us sever
And end a life long history
Of memories together
But this is now or never
It’s all or nothing
And yet I see nothing at all;
Standing inside the mirror
Reveals the writing on the wall
And shoulders that are heavy
From heaving this burden;
My back will only break
Once they close the curtain…
You’ve locked me
Into your embrace again;
I’m Daniel in the lion’s den.
Just as I was a stone’s throw away
From throwing us away
You opened up your arms of love
And begged me to stay
Was it a lifeline
Or a noose with which
To hang my neck?
Are we on board this ship
Or just a sinking wreck?
Because this sinking
Started long ago
I chose to hold on
As the miraculous survivor;
Looked upon our love
And tried to revive her
When all that remained
Were fragments of disarray:
A history of lovers,
Unwilling to leave
And yet unwilling to stay.
Betrayal
An imminent cloud of smoke
Rising from a fire on a hill:
Distant enough to arouse suspicion
Close enough to make ill-will its mission
And yet we are foolish
Enough to listen
As the embers crackle and die
Not perceiving
That very same fire
Still burning in our eyes
As we turn to others
To give them the murderous kiss
We have received
The black shadow of Death
Marks a stain as it leaves
Not once. Not twice,
Nor even thrice.
Betrayal is imminent,
An ordinary part of life
Where men turn their crosses
Upside down;
No longer a symbol of love
But a symbol of hate
“INRI, what became of your
Righteous crown?”
“Hidden, hidden away
Behind sorry veils
By those that believed
Their transgressions
Had brought them beyond the pale”
Cried He.
But even now
The bitter taste of betrayal
Like a soured wine
Fulfilled a prophecy
That would stand the test of time.
(You wish for something
To appease your thoughts
But searching your mind,
You find nought…)
Oh sweet duplicity of intent
That falters my conscience;
Some might say
My actions were hell-bent…
But what may be this
Mysterious manifestation
That drives its fettered stream?
Upon reflection, I think
It was a dream…
Even now as my
Sprightly spirit returns
I start to remember
The Love for which I have yearned…
And even as Death mingles
Around her edges, I am quite positive
My pledges will not be burned…
How can we say goodbye
When you still hold
In your hand my heart
The distance does not lie:
We’ve been drifting apart
Yet even as I sleep
Your face in my mind
Hangs like a frame on a wall
Four corners of fiction
That encapsulate my soul
For no longer can we exist
Within margins so fragile
The timing was off and now
This love has become sterile
So look above and find
The writing engraved on the wall:
“A love that is sterile is not one
For which to fall”
The light reflects onto your face
And into your searching eyes;
When you look in the mirror
Do you find something you despise?
Amidst your wandering gaze
Which hangs heavy with your lashes
Inside I see a soul that carries
A burden your beautiful face matches
Might it have been love
That carried me into your arms
Or was it my lack of resistance
For your insatiable charm?
The longing to pour into you
My soul whilst resting
My weary head against your shoulder
My feelings for you are unadulterated;
What concern is it that you are older?
For in matters of the heart
My single most preoccupation is clear:
To love you unreservedly;
You are my queen and I am your seer
Catherine Lucy Rowland 