To hold still in that moment,
Completely calm and yet
Softly trembling with fear;
To listen to each other’s
Breathing while tightly
Drawing them near;
To hear each other’s
Quiet murmuring,
Whilst our bodies hug
Closer in our yearning;
This is how I know I am loved
And set free from all my hurting.
Words and their logic dissipate
Into meaninglessness when
Confronted with such intimacy
This is how I know to cherish
The love you give to me
Last night as I slept,
A dark stranger entered my mind,
A vision so strong I believed
It had been brought to life:
Her presence swimming from the river
To the bank; her movements so graceful
My heart almost sank
Before I could whisper a word,
Her hands started gliding up my legs;
“I hope I’ll be able to do something
To get your forgiveness,” she said
My heart wept violently,
Like a little child inside of me
I could do no more than to put my
Hands in front of me upon what I saw
So I stroked her hair gently,
Feeling as if some great
Benefactor had sent me
As her saviour,
Urging me to forgive her
How could I ever act in hate,
Wearing the mask that perpetrates?
How could I ever lose myself in anger,
Using my words to strangle her?
I could not achieve such a feat,
Not whilst she was crying desperately at my feet
So I rubbed my hands into the smoothness
Of her back, to reassure her
That my love for her does not lack,
Until all of a sudden I woke and found
That her presence had deserted me
When I tried to recall the dark stranger
In my mind I experienced revelation anew:
The dark stranger – it was you.
How I long for her soft femininity,
feeling her arms wrapped tightly around me
and the warmth of her breasts pressed against my chest…
this is the feeling that I love best
And surely my touch is still imprinted upon them, not left
unscoured by the hands of men.
For how can such coarseness dare to embrace such a lady as she?
Never did I even hope, nor imagine in vain,
that her lover would be me.
Nothing as tender will surpass this gentle creature,
nor cliches overbear her fame;
this is the woman I have come to know and love
and the shape of my heart resembles her name.
And her name resides with mine and this is how
it will forever be; softly loving and passionate,
my dearest, affectionate she.
You and I both know we could
Have stolen a kiss tonight…
But it wasn’t to be
My heart sighs with all these goodbyes
The absence is real and it
Hurts inside
Yet I must endeavour
To carry on
I desire to be more intimate
And yet, somehow, it seems wrong
It is never the right time,
Nor the right place.
Never the right reason,
Never the right face.
And so intimacy is wasted
On those who least know it,
Whilst the lonely ones lie despairingly,
Aching to show it.
I cannot afford to be a reckless lover
Unearthing my love from the ground
To tell of my true feelings would
Spread them for miles around
Like magnetic poles, they will
Attract to opposite, opposing ends
Then there am I, transfixed at
Homogenous Beauty,
Unwilling to unbend
How did this space become so neatly occupied?
I stretch out a hand to caress the sleeping beauty
That lies in a star-crossed lover’s embrace;
(She hides her confession in the mistakes
That she makes)
Whilst I lead her to a place on the far
Outskirts of the shore,
Where the waves of love start lapping
And she kisses me abundantly more
What did I do to feel the warmth and security
Of the one who has always loved me?
In believing it had been denied,
I only caused myself to hide
Away, away from the truth that longed
To be divulged at all costs,
And yet I cowered in my insecurity
Afraid that it would all come to a loss
Catherine Lucy Rowland 