Let us marry these thoughts to the dust
Allowing all that is impertinent
To turn to rust
Imparting our love in youthful hands
That shook,
We read each other’s minds
Like words from a book
Turning, ever turning
To catch the expression written on your face
Whilst your eyes burn in desire
And you lead me to that place where
Hope becomes the mirror
In which I gaze upon you my lover
And the world goes quiet
For we need only each other
Touched, untouched
The feeling slowly fading
Of the imprint you left upon my skin
Once pervading, but now is no more…
What power led us to tragically abandon
The Love that walked through our door?
I know neither how, when nor why
Those old feelings were displaced
Chased by so disgraceful a Lust
They scarpered, leaving no trace…
Now it is as if
They were completely rubbed out;
Erased into oblivion
The unspeakable vacancy within
Shows what I am missing
And therein such beautiful irony exists:
Whilst seeking so deep and meaningful
A connection, there was no value, no substance
In your lips that I kissed
Only a dreadful reminder of that which
I could not face:
The discovery of a greater love
That could so easily have my one true
Sweetheart replaced.
Yours was the name
That so oft hung upon my lips;
Yours so beautiful and seductive
That I still long to kiss
On my tongue still rolls
That sweet dreamy taste
Of days filled with a kind of loving
That knew not the word ‘haste’
Instead it glided smoothly
Betwixt us; I unbeknownst
That such heavenly rapture
Could on Earth have existence
And yet with its so swift departure
I am forced to start anew;
Eradicating ecstasy
And the only love I found to be true
To become the very shadow, the very dream
Of sublime femininity that I crave;
A hopeless longing
For the soft female touch that
Will surely go with me to the grave
You are the only one
Who makes my heart rise
And fall slowly;
The only soul that has ever
Really known me.
I’ve never come to love so much;
Now I can hardly bear to be
Separated from your touch.
You are the energy that helps
Me breathe freely;
At night when we caress
I can finally sleep easy.
Please don’t ever fall
For the kindness of a stranger;
The road is full of lust
And leads only to danger.
Just remember that
I am always here by your side
I will always love you
And that cannot be denied.
World-weariness causing
My heart to wear away
Pretending I’m not hurt
By the things that you say
Seeking to protect myself
At all costs, but considering
A world without you,
I’d count it a loss
The motivation is gone
When you are not there
Before I was predictable,
reliable…
But now I struggle to
Find a reason to care.
Looking into your eyes
Is where I find some sense within
You’re breaking down
These walls that are paper-thin
Hands that reach in to touch my heart;
Be careful or you’ll light a spark that will
Always remain ablaze
Rather, speak to me and nurture me
Gently with your loving caress
That takes the pain away
Love me, don’t use me,
Or else I will find somewhere
Else to stay.
Without your touch I feel restless.
The night draws in and numbs the senses
as I watch your slumberous body
breathing not a sigh
and I lie awake
trying to pass the time.
How did it come to sleeping
on separate sides of the bed?
All I want to do is kiss you
and taste the passion
when all we do is lie here
in a disciplined fashion
But the desires just will not be relieved;
you may sleep in peace and contentment,
but all the while they torture me.
I cannot thrust them upon you
although I may try.
But feeling so far away from you
only makes me cry.
And so I make myself the lonely guest;
with neither sleep nor company
I kid myself into thinking
I know what’s best.
Who would have thought this
Was going to get worse?
And yet I suffer silently
In my dreaming
Your bittersweet presence
Appears before me as clear as day
I ask you what went wrong and
Why you had nothing to say
Even fighting through my tears
I beg for reconciliation
And then your loving touch
Floats over me;
That warm appreciation.
I cuddle you back, even more
Readily than before
This distance that has crept
Between us makes me
Love you all the more.
And yet I know that you being
Here is nothing but a vision…
I wake to the morning light
Feeling that something
Is missing.
This loss of you has left me
Traumatised; nothing more
Nothing less.
Even to the extent where
The motivation to live has
Left me and the desire to dream
Is best.
I long to crawl back into this
Sphere of subconsciousness,
Return to the womb.
I’m not ready for this
Heartbreak; it is all happening too soon.
Touching you is like sunshine and smiles
It gives me bliss even if just for a while
I feel like I’m falling and will never recover
Straight into the arms of an oblivious lover
My eyes are closed but I can still see
The ruby brown eyes staring back at me
Questioning all motives, asking to be free
You look for the answers but they are hidden within
Underneath the pearly shine of your youthful skin
Don’t deny yourself of Knowledge standing at your door
She stands there knocking, urging you to seek more
Whilst I lay trying to sleep in your bed
Second-guessing all the things running through your head
I cannot unlock your heart if you give me no part to play
Love goes unrequited if there is no invitation to stay
Life is too short to ignore the people that matter
In an instant the flame can be extinguished,
Leaving absence where there was once substance.
In the same way I cannot pretend to have
No knowledge of you;
It would be careless and cruel,
Making it seem as if I want nothing from you
When I do want something…
For you have made the greatest
Impression upon me that can never ever leave
It keeps me awake at night holding me back from sleep
Your presence returns to me
Like a sweet perfume wafting through the air
I start to remember your every move, word and stare.
So you leaving me is impossible,
Although reality begs to differ
We are bonded and thus you carry me thither
Carry me to that safe place far from home
Carry me there for I no longer want to be alone.
To the mixture of my life;
Without you there is neither colour nor perfection
And I struggle to remember what it feels like to be alive
For when you are with me, you fulfil me
The picture is whole again
Yet you don’t realise that behind these brown eyes,
Ulterior motives doth lie
I never meant to be secretive,
Harbouring mal intent to cut you down
I never wanted you to second-guess me,
With heavy interrogatives furrowing
Deep into your brow
It is just that I love you, truly and deeply
I always hope and wish that somehow you would accept me
Yet that is a step I am unwilling to take;
Its execution would be murderous,
Undoing the brilliant friendship
That we have made
And so the story stays the same;
Loving women is always part of the game,
Losing them is what I most fear,
In solitude I shed a tear,
For it is always them that
I want to draw near
Catherine Lucy Rowland 