Posted on by catherinelucyrowland

Worse Spells Out Woe

I suffer ineffably for you

For what you claimed

You have put me through

But how canst thou know it?

For what was assumed to

Have been the worst,

Only became worse still;

Now I am falling deeper

Into this pit of ill will

My woe still monsters itself thus;

What have I but demons of fear and mistrust?

It shines its snarling face at me and withers away thenceforth;

Now of my greater worries are the Devil and his cast iron pitchfork.

Blacker still from all this

Suffering and strife,

I grit my teeth relentlessly,

Vowing to hold onto my life

To hold onto all the better

Memories we shared,

Reminding me that

Through all this turmoil

There is an angel who will have me spared.

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Without Your Touch

Without your touch I feel restless.

The night draws in and numbs the senses

 

as I watch your slumberous body

breathing not a sigh

and I lie awake

trying to pass the time.

 

How did it come to sleeping

on separate sides of the bed?

 

All I want to do is kiss you

and taste the passion

when all we do is lie here

in a disciplined fashion

 

But the desires just will not be relieved;

you may sleep in peace and contentment,

but all the while they torture me.

 

I cannot thrust them upon you

although I may try.

But feeling so far away from you

only makes  me cry.

 

And so I make myself the lonely guest;

with neither sleep nor company

I kid myself into thinking

I know what’s best.

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Who Would Have Thought?

Who would have thought this

Was going to get worse?

And yet I suffer silently

In my dreaming

 

Your bittersweet presence

Appears before me as clear as day

I ask you what went wrong and

Why you had nothing to say

 

Even fighting through my tears

I beg for reconciliation

And then your loving touch

Floats over me;

That warm appreciation.

 

I cuddle you back, even more

Readily than before

This distance that has crept

Between us makes me

Love you all the more.

 

And yet I know that you being

Here is nothing but a vision…

I wake to the morning light

Feeling that something

Is missing.

 

This loss of you has left me

Traumatised; nothing more

Nothing less.

Even to the extent where

The motivation to live has

Left me and the desire to dream

Is best.

 

I long to crawl back into this

Sphere of subconsciousness,

Return to the womb.

I’m not ready for this

Heartbreak; it is all happening too soon.

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Victim Of A Love Theft

How could you think

I’d not take this to heart?

If you could see me now

You’d see I’m falling apart

 

And yet the wind still blows

Over the heart where

You made your home;

But now it’s time for you

To pack up your things and go

 

For too long I have resided

In this hopeless fear

Of losing the love

I have always wanted near

 

But it seems that she

Lost herself first and left;

Without even knowing

Our love became a victim of theft

 

To what cause or power

I cannot conceive;

My mind always struggles,

But in my heart I have always believed

 

That love will always overcome

The battle that we enter

When we find the right one

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This Is The path

This is the path I have been given

This is the chorus meant for singing

 

Nobody figures out their own fate;

we only hope we can carve out a way

to Heaven’s gate.

 

For the path we walk is a crumbled mess,

trodden on hopelessly by the rest.

 

If this life is just singular and mortal,

then we have lied to ourselves

in thinking there were many portals.

 

But there can only be one way

to the wretched grave;

it is how we choose to spend it

that gives us our name.

 

If we choose it wisely,

why should we fear to die?

 

The old learn to embrace

Death’s precipice daily;

breathing out life

is nothing more than a sigh.

 

In the end it is all a matter of time;

there are no lessons in learning how to die.

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Seeking Intimacy

You and I both know we could

Have stolen a kiss tonight…

But it wasn’t to be

 

My heart sighs with all these goodbyes

The absence is real and it

Hurts inside

 

Yet I must endeavour

To carry on

I desire to be more intimate

And yet, somehow, it seems wrong

 

It is never the right time,

Nor the right place.

Never the right reason,

Never the right face.

 

And so intimacy is wasted

On those who least know it,

Whilst the lonely ones lie despairingly,

Aching to show it.

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Rushing Sorrow And Sadness

I have never been in this place before:

With nothing to look back or forward to

The eyes that were once dry are now filled with weeping…

How can I let go of the sorrow and pain I’ve been keeping?

 

My tears are wet and salty

I can only hope they are washing out whatever was inside

Will you dry my eyes?

 

My face is wet from the tears that came streaming

And somehow I knew it was coming.

All the emotions came flooding in and took hold of me

 

I could do nothing to stop them from rushing out.

It all just came rushing out.

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Loveless Devotion

Why oh why did you

Have to sink your claws

Into me and toss my heart

Into the open ocean?

For now I am drowning

In this loveless devotion.

 

Sail away, sail away

Back to your distant shore;

I no longer want to be anchored,

Or tied down to this wretched moor.

 

It is time that this ringed clasp,

Which has now become so remote

Harked back to its owner

With whom my heart tragically broke.

 

October 2011

Posted on by catherinelucyrowland

Love That Changes Like The Weather

Let us revert back

To how we used to be;

A time where I was young,

Innocent and carefree

 

For now there just seems

Too much trouble in the air;

The forecast is reflected

In the weight of my stare

 

Who ever knew that our

Love would come crashing

Down to the ground?

 

We were so blissful

And contented; in truth

We were spellbound

 

And yet it seems there are

Still more rainy days to come

Since Misery tapped on my door

And blotted out the sun

 

She took away my angel,

My lover, my bride…

Some days I question

Whether or not I will survive

 

For she was my world

And seized onto my heart with such a grasp;

We never even thought to question

Whether our love would last.

Posted on by catherinelucyrowland

Ill at Ease

I am still ill at ease and confounded when I realise that you’re gone

If only I could lessen the gap on the things that separate;

Our cultures and geographies are dissimilar –

There is not much upon which we can relate.

 

Yet I do not fear, for I know that love alone will draw us near

It is the only thing, of which I have ever been certain,

The only thing on which I can rely,

When love finally decides to close the curtain,

That will be the day I die.