Looking down upon
The botched up plans
Crafted in fact
By my own youthful hands
Now lying in the stagnant waters
Of a well of forgotten dreams
Remembering that
Not everything is how it seems;
The love we rested upon
Is not as strong as it used to be
But a scattered reflection
In which I sought
The security and protection
That is no longer there
Only a vacant and hollow stare
Gazing back at me
From the well of forgotten dreams.
When lovers are lost
What battle is won?
Nay, there is none.
For what are we
But mourners searching
For the love that was begun?
Between the soft sheets
Where we lay in amorous embrace
Admiring the jigsaw symmetry
Made by our bodies’ shapes
As our souls sang and danced
In perfect unison
We bathed in the comforting truth
That no love as great as this
Could be outdone
Until the words
“too good to be true”
Started ringing ominously loud
And started to smother our love
In its pre-burial shroud
Before there had ever been
A proposal to marry
Fate found a reason
That such treasured dreams
Should be tarried
And so now all that remains
Are ghosts whispering
Those old words in my head
Constantly taunting me
That the only love
I live to regain is dead.
Touched, untouched
The feeling slowly fading
Of the imprint you left upon my skin
Once pervading, but now is no more…
What power led us to tragically abandon
The Love that walked through our door?
I know neither how, when nor why
Those old feelings were displaced
Chased by so disgraceful a Lust
They scarpered, leaving no trace…
Now it is as if
They were completely rubbed out;
Erased into oblivion
The unspeakable vacancy within
Shows what I am missing
And therein such beautiful irony exists:
Whilst seeking so deep and meaningful
A connection, there was no value, no substance
In your lips that I kissed
Only a dreadful reminder of that which
I could not face:
The discovery of a greater love
That could so easily have my one true
Sweetheart replaced.
Yours was the name
That so oft hung upon my lips;
Yours so beautiful and seductive
That I still long to kiss
On my tongue still rolls
That sweet dreamy taste
Of days filled with a kind of loving
That knew not the word ‘haste’
Instead it glided smoothly
Betwixt us; I unbeknownst
That such heavenly rapture
Could on Earth have existence
And yet with its so swift departure
I am forced to start anew;
Eradicating ecstasy
And the only love I found to be true
To become the very shadow, the very dream
Of sublime femininity that I crave;
A hopeless longing
For the soft female touch that
Will surely go with me to the grave
The cards to play are in my hand
This hourglass is filling up
With each grain of sand
Each one a little more pertinent
Than before
Adding to the tragedy
Of this untimely flaw
Where is the rapturous love
With whom I passed
Many blissful days?
Did her love weaken
And with the grains of sand
Wash away?
For what has been lost
May never be absolved
And yet Love’s sweet residue
Remains hidden within the folds
Never to be touched
By the hands of another,
Else she lies resplendent with deceit
And I, her destitute lover.
What prevails except
The silence within?
You speak no words
And so my thoughts
Are reflected in
And yet I have made my heart
A wealthy storehouse of love
To show you that for me
Your happiness is enough
But instead tis trapped
In this enslavement of solitude
In which several worlds collide;
Several parts of my being
From which I cannot hide
Such as the subdued anger
Of my repudiated self
Which awaits rejuvenating,
To be restored to natural health.
Floating through this life
That sometimes seems
Endlessly surreal
Trying to chase
The wasted dreams
I can no longer feel.
For once I must beckon myself
Back into the world
From which I came
And not slip into the clutches
Of Lust’s twisted game.
But Time keeps passing by
Like a stranger in the street
With curiosity I listen closely
Following the sounds of its feet
Until suddenly it disappears
And I’m left meandering
Alone
Wondering, forever wondering
If my love will ever come back home.
It is already too late;
The chorus has played its part
Now gather all your belongings
And fold away that melancholy harp
This tragedy has outstayed its welcome
Please advise for it to leave;
Take all the mourners with you
And in another place they can grieve
For too long has this sorrow
Taken up residency;
It’s time the uninvited guest
Bid farewell
To the lady
That bore presidency
And made what was little heavenly
A little hell
Oh how I long for those days
Where we are but momentarily united!
I’d no longer gaze down despairingly
At our separation and fight it
Or wonder at how
My connection to you vanished
Not much later than it started
Without even a word
From our once adoring spectators
Who then departed
Oh yes, I’d seize the moment
With all my might,
Eradicating any existence
Of so wretched a respite
And turn to you
With so loving a gaze as before
And cry beseechingly:
“Don’t you understand…?
It is your love I implore!”
But the lady doth pity win;
Turning my love for her into anger
Would be turning myself to sin
And so I must carry
My heavy heart
Such as raw flesh on a plate
Believing in the cause
Of a love revival
That I hope won’t arrive
Too late.
Carried on the winds of virtue
My heart breathes hardly a sigh,
Whilst I ride out this loveless mystery
Hardly knowing why
The rains of this wild tempest
Have just begun
As I try to unravel desperately
The tragedy that was spun
Across the strings of my heart
Where you reigned
Across the strings of my heart
Where courage feigned
I know not why
This fate was ever sealed
Or how it broke the heart
I thought had healed
But in the end they say
Are better things to come;
Renewal and growth
Promised by Love’s oath
To those that surpassed the weakness of some
Catherine Lucy Rowland 